I'm a Single Dad

I started this blog because I figured that there have to be other dads like me.  I'm divorced and I am raising two kids and a dog. I wanted to be able to share my journey. I never realized how complex divorced life would be.  Think of this blog as part parenting advice, psychology column and part soapbox.  I'll also try and cover a few gadget reviews along the way.

My life this year is radically different than it was the past few years. I moved to a different state. I got divorced. I had to figure out how to raise my kids. I had to deal with communicating with my ex. 

I had a relatively normal American life, then I took a job which didn't work out and I found myself unemployed.  After two months of fruitless job searching I took a job several states away. My then wife who was a stay at home mom promised to move to the new state, but asked to stay until our son had finished first grade. I reluctantly agreed and headed north to start my new job. 

Almost exactly a year later we were in divorce court and decided to reconcile before the trial started.  Almost immediately leaving the courtroom things started falling apart. I realized that she was mentally abusive and wasn't really sure if she really wanted to reconcile or if this was another game.  I cried for 3 days. 

I never wanted to get divorced, but there were a few reasons that I had to get divorced. It was an amazingly difficult decision.

The first was that I was afraid that she would take the kids from me.  If we were married, I had absolutely no legal protection from her moving the kids against my will. 

Then I realized that she was mentally abusive.  I had convinced myself that I could live with this but I would have to give up any of my aspirations and goals and submit to following whatever she wanted.  I had to give up my identity to be her husband. I knew from experience that it makes you a completely miserable person to be under someones control. 

Then one night on a Skype call she accused me of being a bad father - and this wasn't the first time.  I had had enough.

In the months that followed I moved my kids to where I lived.  I started them in school and made daycare arrangements. A week after I moved the kids to my new state, the soon to be ex followed and started living rent free with the kids and I until the trial.

We were divorced 4 months later and the court awarded us 50/50 joint custody. So we're now divorced, trying to get used to the week-on, week-off custody arrangements. She now has her own place now too in the state where she refused to move to in the first place. 

The kids are adjusting well, although it's not been all smooth sailing.  We've had some issues with the oldest one and being behind in school.  He also was diagnosed with ADD, so we started him in therapy. 

My hope is that through this blog I can help other fathers, and for dads to know your not alone! There is a path to a better place.