She melted my heart right there. I helped her hook up the garden hose and finished cutting the lawn. When the lawn was done we washed the truck together. We wiped soap on my old truck together and she washed it off with the hose. She had a smile on her face and suds were everywhere!
My daughter was doing something nice for me. I was proud to be a daddy. I’m not terribly sentimental, but that old truck brought both my kids home from the hospital. It had been with our family through many moves and family trips. For me it has a special link to my kids and to me as a dad.
I leaned over and kissed her and said “I love you” to which she replied “I love you too daddy”.
When you get divorced, you life will change dramatically and being happy will probably be the furthest thing from your mind. The problem is if you don’t find some bit of happiness you will be miserable and your family, friends and kids will pick up on that. They will treat you with caution and distance themselves from you. Let’s face it, no one wants to be around a grumpy person.
I would have missed the moment with my daughter if I had chosen to be grumpy. Let’s face it grumpy is only cool in dry and drab British Humor. It's easier said than don, to be happy when your whole life has changed. It is probably one of the hardest things that you will have to do post-split.
How you get to that “I’m not Mr. Grumpy Pants” attitude will depend a lot on how your personality works. The good news is that in getting divorced, you will learn a whole bunch about yourself, and how you work. It’s a learning experience that makes you a much stronger and resilient person.
So decide to be happy. You may decide this and not be happy every day. You will have days, weeks and maybe months where you're dragging. But make a conscious effort to decide to be happy.
For me, I had to compartmentalize my emotions. My new life had to go in my happy box and my divorce debacle in another.
For me, I had to compartmentalize my emotions. My new life had to go in my happy box and my divorce debacle in another.
My emotions of anger of losing my wife, of dealing with the ridiculous crap from her, of realizing that she was not who I thought she was, of realizing that child support sucks and that she does’t get held accountable.
Ya, all those emotions - I had to learn that they go in a special box labeled “this royally sucks box”. It’s important that you deal with all these emotions, don’t seal the box and forget about it. You need to sort the contents of your divorce box to move on. Just don’t do it in front of your kids. It’s best to have a licensed therapist or councilor help you. A trusted friend can also be good, but be careful it doesn't interfere with your friendship.
Ya, all those emotions - I had to learn that they go in a special box labeled “this royally sucks box”. It’s important that you deal with all these emotions, don’t seal the box and forget about it. You need to sort the contents of your divorce box to move on. Just don’t do it in front of your kids. It’s best to have a licensed therapist or councilor help you. A trusted friend can also be good, but be careful it doesn't interfere with your friendship.
I had to learn to live my life and be happy while making sure that I delt with my “Divorce Emotions” away from my kids and in the appropriate setting. I had to learn to be nice in front of my ex and no matter what she said, put a poker face on and smile. I had to learn to deal with whatever she said when she was not around. In other words when she’s dishing it out put it in the divorce box for later - don’t deal with those emotions on the spot.
As I share more on this blog I will share things that I’ve done to make my life easier and happier. The goal of this blog to to help other dads out there and help make their lives and their kids lives as bright as possible.
